A year ago today I moved to Houston to be with a boyfriend of only three months. I was swept up in a whirlwind romance and had no idea what the Universe was orchestrating for me. Nonetheless, the journey that has unfolded in the last year is nothing I could have ever predicted but everything that I needed. Here are a few gems that I’ve learned along the way.
Lesson One: Never be afraid to take risks.
Recently a friend confessed when he’d heard I was moving across the country to be with my then-boyfriend that he thought I’d lost my mind. He wasn’t the only one. During the time I was preparing to leave - giving away furniture, personal belongings, and saying my goodbyes - I received more side-eyes than when I’d brought a vegetarian dish to my family's Thanksgiving potluck instead of my famous pot roast. I was giving up everything I knew for an unknown variable and the question on everyone’s mind was, “What if it doesn't work out?”
Spoiler Alert: It Didn’t.
What I learned was, take risks but don’t be stupid. For the last decade, as I was preparing my son for life outside of my home, I dreamt of a life in Houston. I wanted to move, and I knew I needed a plan to keep me from returning home should things not work out. I created a “squirrel account” with enough money to call movers on Monday and move out Tuesday should shit go left. I took a risk, but it wasn’t impulsive. It was calculated. I had a plan that minimized the negative impact and allowed me to move forward with no regrets.
Takeaway: Hope for the best, but be PREPARED for the worst. Have a plan B, C and D!
Lesson Two: Ctrl + Z. The only thing permanent in life is death and taxes.
Reflecting, I realize I was a lamb being led to slaughter. I don’t think he expected I would
leave no matter how bad the circumstances. What about the embarrassment? Or gossiping? Or finger-wagging? What about backhanded statements like “Girl I knew it wasn’t going to work out!” Or “That's what happens when you move too fast.” I had no idea if things would work out but I trusted myself enough to take a leap of faith. I knew that just as I could be brave enough to leap, I could also be brave enough to leave.
I never felt stuck, and I never felt pressured to stay for the optics. I didn't feel conflicted when the time came to find a real estate agent and movers, sign a new lease, box up my belongings, or move out. The initial idea of leaving him and the relationship was scary and overwhelming until I remembered that I had just moved from Chicago to Houston. Moving a couple more miles away wasn’t going to be hard at all.
Takeaway: In the midst of the storm, breathe and remind yourself that everything is figureoutable. (Credit: Marie Forleo)
Lesson Three: Learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Here I was all alone in a new city with no friends, family, or support system. I barely knew where the grocery store was or who I would call in case of an emergency. What if I slipped and fell in the shower? What if I had a flat tire and was stranded on the side of the road? What if I needed someone to…….you get the picture. The “what if’s” were endless and anxiety-inducing. However, I knew if Houston was ever going to feel like home, my “what if’s” were going to have to turn into “what is”. Opposed to focusing on everything that could happen, I had to learn to live with what was happening and PUSH THROUGH.
In the beginning, something as simple as leaving the house overwhelmed me. One time, I attempted to navigate a 10-lane highway, while trying to use the GPS, on my way to meet someone I’d never met, at a place I’d never been. Another time I sat frustrated and in tears after a bad dermatologist appointment to treat a bacterial infection that was eating away at my face. Another time, at the suggestion of someone I knew back home, I went to a MeetUp and met someone who has become one of my closest friends in Houston. Learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable allowed me to give myself grace without giving myself excuses. I learned to accept feelings of fear or anxiety without giving in to them.
Takeaway: A CLOSED fist keeps everything out but it also lets nothing in.
Lesson Four: Today’s disappointment is tomorrow's blessing.
I won’t lie and tell you I wasn’t disappointed things didn’t work out. The picture of the life I envisioned looks nothing like the life I am living. I envisioned a husband, a baby, and a life in the city I’d loved from afar for so long. However, what the Universe gave me was a unique opportunity to reflect on my decision to move and every decision I’d made up until this point with no disruptions, interruptions, objections, or input.
I’ve had nine months of near solitude to sit with myself, my thoughts, my feelings and evaluate who I am, what I need, how I can grow, and who/what no longer serves me. It has truly been the most intensive, exhaustive, yet transformative therapy I’ve ever experienced. I ended toxic friendships and relationships, as well as healed from hurts that were preventing me from embracing the life I truly desired.
While I thought I was moving for love, the Universe had other plans. Since moving to Houston, I began volunteering, won a professional award, reclaimed my waistline, and signed my first two clients! I’ve evolved in ways and at speeds that I can’t imagine would have happened had I not moved. So I guess I did move for love. Just not in the ways I expected. I love the life I’m creating and I look forward to what the next year has in store!
Lesson: Every lesson comes with a blessing if you’re paying attention and willing to do the work.
Your new life is going to cost you your old one. - Unknown
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